


Daddy and Touchan

by jashinist_feminist



Series: My Big Gay Ninja Wedding [6]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe, Babies, Christmas, Christmas Fluff, Christmas Shopping, Family Fluff, Happy AU, M/M, OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 18:31:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17105909
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jashinist_feminist/pseuds/jashinist_feminist
Summary: Kisame and Itachi need to go and buy Shizuma his Christmas presents. After calling in an army of babysitters, Shizuma won't stop crying. So Shisui comes up with a bizarre solution...





	Daddy and Touchan

**Author's Note:**

> Before I post my fic for the akatsuki gift exchange, here is my last fic in Jashfem's Christmas! Yay! This time, its a scene from my collab with Shadow, in the My Big Gay Ninja Wedding series. Here, Kisame and Itachi have been married for a while and have had their little sharklet, Shizuma! <3
> 
> I headcanon that Kisame and Itachi would love to have kids, since Itachi grew up with a lil bro he loved and Kisame seems like he would be good with kids. Of all the akatsuki, I hc them as the ones most likely to have kids.
> 
> Kisame's fam who make an appearance are all the OCs of my baby Shadow. Full credit goes to her. To find out more about them, visit her tumblr blog konohagakureship! Her art is amazing <3
> 
> Plus, the trick that Shisui plays on Shizuma is based on one I saw online, where a dad dresses a mannequin as his wife to stop their baby from crying when she goes out XD
> 
> Also!  
> Daddy - Kisame  
> Touchan - Itachi

“Umph!” announced Shizuma, banging his chubby fists on the table of his high chair, declaring that he was full up. Porridge smeared across his cheeks, and even clung to some of his curly hair.

“Have you had enough?” asked Itachi.

Shizuma nodded, and then banged his fists on the table again. He grabbed his spoon and flung it down on the floor, before gazing at Itachi expectantly with wide blue eyes.

“No, we’re not playing the drop-it-on-the-floor-so-touchan-can-pick-it-up-again game,” scolded Itachi, even as he picked Shizuma’s spoon up for him.

Shizuma stuck his lower lip out disappointedly. Itachi wiped the porridge away with a wet cloth, and then plucked out the sticky oats from his hair. He wiped Shizuma’s sticky palms, and then gave his son a kiss on the forehead. Shizuma cooed delightedly, and reached up for Itachi.

Itachi scooped him up, and then carried him upstairs. He changed Shizuma’s nappy, and then changed him out of his sleeping suit to his red festive romper suit for crawling around the house. When Shizuma was dressed, Itachi carried him back down to the living room, and settled him down on the floor, surrounded by his books and toys that Itachi had laid out for him.

Shizuma ignored all his toys, and then crawled straight over for Samehada where Kisame had left the sword in the corner of the living room.

“No, no, don’t play with daddy’s sword!” Itachi hauled Shizuma away, and then tried to distract him. He waved a jangly set of keys that Shizuma usually liked to clamour for, but Shizuma grizzled, lurching away from Itachi towards the sword.

Itachi sighed. It was going to be one of those days. Today was going to be stressful enough, as he’d found just enough people to babysit his lively and energetic sharklet while he and Kisame went to get Shizuma’s Christmas presents without the baby himself seeing any of them.

The first person that Itachi trusted with his son was his brother, Sasuke. Sasuke adored Shizuma, and loved looking after his nephew.

But Sasuke was busy with Team 7, and so Itachi had to resort to calling on a favour from Shisui. As soon as he’d done that, he realised that Shisui would probably need adult supervision too, so he asked Izumi, which meant Tsunami would inevitably join her, and that reassured Itachi, given that Shizuma adored both of his aunts.

But then if Tsunami was with Izumi babysitting Shisui while Shisui babysit Shizuma, then Souta and Youta would also need to come round so that Tsunami could make sure they behaved themselves too.

Shizuma wiggled out of Itachi’s arms, and rolled towards Samehada.

“No, that’s daddy’s, not Shizuma’s!”

Itachi darted after Shizuma, and then settled for the only thing that could keep Shizuma still. He balanced him on one hip, and then paced through the house, singing a multitude of songs that Shizuma liked and bouncing him in time to the beat of the song. Itachi even threw in a few Christmas songs, since it was the right time of year for them. Shizuma crowed with joy, raising his arms as Itachi warbled through his favourites.

After midday, Itachi put Shizuma down for a nap in his cot, and then began to write out a shopping list for their Christmas shopping. The list ended up being quite long, but Itachi wanted his baby son to have lovely memories of growing up.

Shizuma woke up by shrieking for Itachi, and so Itachi spoon-fed him his lunch, then they played hide-and-seek, with Itachi even crouching behind the Christmas tree and Shizuma crawling under the branches to find him. Then Itachi managed to distract Shizuma by pulling out a puzzle, and when the puzzle was complete, Itachi pulled out a book and started to read to him.

Soon enough, Shizuma was lulled to sleep. He dozed, his head leaning against Itachi’s chest, snuggling close.

The front door opened.

“Sssh,” called Itachi softly. “He’s gone to sleep. I don’t want him to wake up.”

Kisame padded to the doorway, and gazed down at Shizuma as he burrowed against Itachi.

“Awww,” said Kisame. “Do you think he’ll stay like it when we go out?”

“I hope so. He keeps getting all clingy to both of us. Oka-san says its normal. And I remember when Sasuke would scream if anyone other than me held him,” Itachi gazed down, and lightly ran his fingers through Shizuma’s black ringlet curls. Shizuma yawned contently in his sleep and snuggled closer to Itachi.

There was a light knock at the door.

“That will be Uncle Shisui,” said Itachi. He lightly sat back up, transferring the sleeping Shizuma to the cushioned baby mat on the ground.

“Be quiet,” ordered Kisame, as he opened the door. “Shizuma’s asleep.”

Shisui, Izumi, Tsunami, Souta and Youta trooped in as silently as possible, and settled on the sofas, gazing down at Shizuma sleeping between them.

Itachi and Kisame quickly slipped on their shoes and coats, and grabbed their wallets.

“We’ll be back in a few hours,” whispered Itachi, from the doorway. “We’re just going to the shops to get a few presents for him. No drinking, no smoking, no drugs, no swearing, no fighting, no-”

“Like hell we’d do that!” retorted Shisui. He gestured to the sleeping Shizuma. “In front of him, I mean.”

“ _Shisui_!” scolded Itachi. “Well, don’t let him play with Samehada, whatever you do. He’s mad for it, but he mustn’t play with it under any circumstances. It’s a sword, not a toy.”

“Of course I won’t! I’ll keep him distracted,” replied Shisui.

“All right,” said Itachi, as he wrapped a scarf around Kisame’s neck. He turned back to glance at the sleeping Shizuma. “Bye baby, love you!”

Shizuma didn’t stir.

He and Kisame tiptoed out the house, and shut the door behind them. 

* * *

The moment the door closed shut, Shizuma’s eyes flickered open. He sat upright, and glanced around the room, taking in the presence of the adults sitting nearby.

“Someone’s awake,” stated Tsunami, as his gaze settled on her. “Hi baby! Want a cuddle with Aunty Tsu?”

Shizuma glanced around the room frantically, his blue eyes wide.

“Dadda?” he called out worriedly. “Touchan?”

“They’ve gone shopping,” cooed Shisui. He patted his knee. “Do you want to play with Uncle Shisui?”

“Dadda!” wailed Shizuma loudly. “Touchan!”

Izumi clamoured down from her seat, and reached for him. “Sssh, baby, they’ve gone out.”

Shizuma broke into a howl, and grabbed Izumi’s shirt in his fists.

“I WANT DADDA! TOUCHAN!” he screamed.

Souta and Youta covered their ears.

“He sounds worse than you used to,” grumbled Youta, looking at Tsunami.

Tsunami responded by showing him her middle finger. "At least I didn't keep crying, unlike you two-"

"Stop that!" scolded Izumi. She stroked the back of Shizuma’s head. “Sssh, do you want one of us to sing to you?”

“Touchan sing,” Shizuma sobbed. “Touchan sing.”

Izumi picked him up, and then sat on the sofa between Shisui and Tsunami.

“Look who’s here. Look who’s come to see you!” Izumi prodded Shisui. “Look! It’s Uncle Shisui! Are you going to pull his hair and bite his fingers again?”

“No,” retorted Shisui.

“Dadda,” Shizuma snivelled mournfully. “Want dadda.”

“Give him here,” instructed Tsunami. She scooped Shizuma up in her arms and then plonked a kiss on his nose. “Am I going to tickle you, Shizuma?”

“No! Dadda!” insisted Shizuma. He sobbed loudly and freshly, his small face crumpled and tears trickling down his cheeks. Tsunami wiped them away, then held him close and rocked him back and forth. Shizuma howled loudly in protest.

“We can’t listen to this all night, I want to play Call of Duty: First Shinobi War,” complained Souta.

“Why don’t we take him to Mikoto-sama?” asked Izumi. She leant forwards to Shizuma, as he sobbed in Tsunami’s arms. She took Shizuma’s little hand between her fingers and shook it. “Do you want oba-chan?”

“No!” Shizuma screamed. “Touchan!”

“What about oji-chan? You want him?” asked Shisui.

“No!” Shizuma screamed again. “Touchan!”

“How about Idiot One and Idiot Two over here?” asked Tsunami, gesturing to Souta and Youta. “Do you want one of them?”

“Hey!” protested Souta and Youta.

“No!” Shizuma shrieked. He swallowed, tears streaking down his cheeks. “I want Touchan.”

“How about Uncle Sasuke? Do you want Uncle Sasuke? He’s just like Touchan!” asked Tsunami.

Shisui’s eyes gleamed. “I’ve got an idea.”

“What?” asked Izumi, over Shizuma’s shrieks.

“It’s a little trick my dad used to do when oka-chan was away on kunoichi duty and I wouldn’t stop crying for her,” explained Shisui.

“Go on,” instructed Tsunami, stroking her fingers through Shizuma’s ringlets to try and comfort him.

“We need Itachi and Kisame’s clothes,” announced Shisui.

“Why do we need those?” asked Izumi.

“Because we’re going to make them,” explained Shisui.

“Make them? _Make them_?” asked Souta. “How? Are you getting Sasori round here?”

“No!” Shisui shook his head. He bounded upright, and then ran upstairs to Kisame and Itachi’s bedroom. He flung open the wardrobe door, and grabbed a pair of Itachi’s trousers, and then Itachi’s Christmas jumper that Mikoto had knitted for him. He’d already decided that as Itachi was the smaller of the two, he would be the easiest to make. He stuffed Itachi’s pillow inside the jumper and then the waistband of the trousers, then stuffed a few shirts up the sleeves of the jumper and the legs of the trousers.

When the ‘Itachi’ figure was complete, Shisui ran into Itachi’s study and pulled up Facebook. He found a picture of Itachi, cropped it to show only his face, and then printed it. With Sellotape, he stuck it to the neck of the clothes figure, and then carried it downstairs.

“Shizuma!” he called through the door. Shizuma was still shrieking, so Shisui lifted his voice to a sing-song tone. “Guess who’s here, Shizuma! Touchan’s here!”

Tsunami and Izumi looked at each other.

Shisui pushed the door open, and entered, carrying the figure of Itachi.

The room fell silent as they all stared at it.

Eventually, Tsunami was the first to break the silence. “…what is that?”

“It’s Touchan!” announced Shisui. He lay it down on the sofa next to Izumi, where Itachi’s face stared listlessly out of the window. He leant down to Shizuma. “Say hello Touchan.”

Shizuma swallowed his cries, and then stared at it curiously with his large blue eyes. He crawled off Tsunami’s lap, clamoured over Izumi, before settling on the lap of the Itachi figure. He reached up, grabbing the printed picture of Itachi’s face.

“Be gentle with Touchan,” instructed Shisui, lightly releasing Shizuma’s fingers from the picture. “You have to be nice to him.”

Shizuma flung his arms around the pillow holding the figure of Itachi together, and cuddled it.

“Aww, baby loves Touchan!” said Shisui. “Are you giving him a lovely cuddle?”

Shizuma snuggled close, and closed his eyes.

“That’s hilarious,” sniggered Tsunami.

“He’s so young, he doesn’t know the difference!” explained Shisui. “Otou-chan used to do it all the time whenever oka-chan was out on a mission…except he had to wipe cat hair over oka-chan’s clothes to make her more realistic.”

“He’s gone completely quiet,” said Izumi.

“You hear that?” asked Shisui. “That is the sound of success. Now let’s put the telly on.”

“Wait, I want to make one of Kisame too!” insisted Youta. 

* * *

Itachi slipped the key in the lock and tiptoed in. The house was dark and quiet, apart from the buzz of the television. Kisame laid the presents down in the kitchen, and they both grinned at each other. All they had to do now was wrap them up, hide them, and then get them out on Christmas morning.

The parents wandered into the living room, wondering how their babysitters had managed to cope with their lively son. But when they opened the door, they immediately stopped, and stared.

Youta and Souta took over one sofa, Izumi was draped across Tsunami’s lap, whilst Shisui sat in the middle of the sofa, with an unexpected guest beside him.

“What have you done?” demanded Itachi.

“What?” asked Shisui.

“What the hell is that?” Itachi pointed at his figure.

“Oh!” Shisui removed his arm from around the pretend-Itachi figure. “Well, since you weren’t here…this guy is much better than you. He doesn’t hog the dango, he lets me pick what I want on tv, and he doesn’t tell me off for breathing.”

“Really funny, Shisui,” Itachi shook his head. “Please, tell me you have not been parading that around the baby.”

“He helped get him to sleep,” replied Shisui.

“What?” asked Itachi.

“He wouldn’t stop crying, and we couldn’t get him to shut up,” explained Shisui. “So we brought out this guy.”

Itachi narrowed his eyes. “You better not have terrified him.”

“He loved it!” explained Shisui. “He gave you a cuddle and everything!”

“Oh no,” groaned Itachi, putting his face in his hands. “That thing is even more terrifying than one of Sasori’s creations.”

“Wait until you see upstairs,” added Souta.

“What’s upstairs?” frowned Kisame.

“You are,” replied Youta.

Kisame’s face fell. He ran up the stairs two at a time, and opened the door to Shizuma’s bedroom, with Itachi hastily following. There was Shizuma, curled up in his cot…

…and staring down at Shizuma as he slept was a matching clothes figure to represent Kisame, clutching Samehada in one arm.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Christmas one and all! I hope you enjoyed my fics! <3


End file.
